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Daimonin Forum  |  Contributions  |  Writing (Moderators: angry, ANICH)  |  Topic: Here's my compitetion story about the long lost warriors of Illuma DONE!! « previous next »
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Topic: Here's my compitetion story about the long lost warriors of Illuma DONE!!  (Read 586 times)
fog
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« on: May 08, 2008, 12:34:39 am »

Once apon a time , The great city of Illuma held many great warriors. These great warriors Had the strenght of a bull, the speed of a Cheeta. They all had Blank white eyes and very muscular. All wiht blond hair. But one stood out above the rest. His Name was Caspough....

 
 They fought a great fight against the orc's but were slain one by one. Eventually the city fell into ruin , and the great warriors were vanguished. Many years later , Inhabitants were overcame by its beauty, and it's calming waves of the ocean. One frightfull night a young Quickwood,With its narrow Branches, and its deep, piercing red eyes, heard the clanking of a horses hoves and was Mystified by the sight he saw. It was the last Surviving Great warrior that had brought victory to the city Illuma.....




After the long lost great warrior of Illuma returned , everyone thought that the peace would return, but they were wrong. The long lost great warrior of Illuma Was corrupted with greed and chaos , they knew there was only one perosn who could help him and there city. Taken away from the city, Caspough and some brave new recruits , had to see If A Priest of moroch could save there former hero.Not much more than half a mile away 1 of the 4 brave recruits died of the massive power the Caspough was exerting each and every breath he took in. Eventually the last remaining recruits and Caspough had finally reached Dark Temple...



They had finnaly reached The entrance to the Horrifying Darktemple. There were Huge stone collums that had reached the cieling, and the stone marble on the ground was pollished so gently, you could see your own reflection. Caspough was furious, he did not want to be here , but he had no choice.Not more than a few feet, around a stone collum , they saw what they thought was a myth, The great skeleton mage.... They could not let Caspough die or, The people back at Illuma would have there heads. Worse of all , none of them had reflect spells ammy! So it was up to the recruits. Within the 4th step range The Skeleton Mage turned around quickly, and each step it took spelled there doom. Not more than 2 steps away from skeleton mage, one of the recruits remembered he had a bow, and with that the Slightly curved Arrow tip penatrated it's heart, leaving it motionless. But also realizing that it was undead, it will come back, mabye even with more demonic and undead mobs.So they ran , running for dear life , but caught by suprise, one of the recruits was nearly decapitated,Dropping the oceans crystal clear Trading  water, shattering once it hit the ground...


The 2 Reamaning Recruits and Caspough continue there Journey. Not far from the Skeleton Mage had attacked them, They knew there had to be more Monsters of Daimonin Mythology. They fought Evil pets of moroch , even though with there amazing brute strength, It had no chance against the Recruits,They have grown to understand that if they want to get themselves and Caspough to the Priest of Moroch, They will have to Suffer the Loss and the Disapointment of losing the Crystal Clear Trading water. But , as they thought , The Priest of Mororch will have to Remove the evil spirit within Caspough, For they have came too far to lose it all. Finnaly within there feild of view, they saw it. It was the priest of Moroch... "You have came from Far away lands just to see me"? said the Priest of Moroch. The Two Recruits nodded. "What can i do for you then"? "please remove the Evil spirit within Caspough"said one of the Recruits. And the Priest of moroch did More than just that. Once the spirit was removes A curse was born. The curse to kill all Great Warriors of Illuma...

Thanks for reading everyone:) that is all of this story , i ope you have enjoyed


« Last Edit: May 20, 2008, 10:30:36 am by fog » Logged
ANICH
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« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2008, 04:07:20 am »

A nice plot. Books can contain as many characters as you want. I would recommend extending the story, the plot is pretty large for a short story. But you can use some description to make it longer and prettier. Like for instance, what does a "young Quickwood" look like? Or what does a "great warrior" look like? Or you could go into a bit more detail about a particular "great warrior." Little things like those would add a great plus to your story.

Looking forward to reading more from you Smiley.

Cheers,
Anich
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fog
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« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2008, 10:25:45 am »

Thank you for your comment Cool I have touched it up, so hopefully everyone else will be able to understand it a bit more clearly Smiley
« Last Edit: May 09, 2008, 10:33:03 pm by fog » Logged
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Daimonin Forum  |  Contributions  |  Writing (Moderators: angry, ANICH)  |  Topic: Here's my compitetion story about the long lost warriors of Illuma DONE!! « previous next »
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