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(Moderators:
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Part one (the intro)
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Topic: Part one (the intro) (Read 971 times)
kardinel
Stone giant king
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 167
Part one (the intro)
«
on:
July 24, 2007, 01:20:15 am »
I woke up early on a summers morning. The sun just beginning to shine, but the light glistening of my windowsill of my apartment is what must have woke me up. With a long yaaaawn and a nice stretch I was ready to start my day, but for this would be no normal day for I didn't know that I would be blindly walking into a journyfull quest like none other.
Putting on my armour, grabbing my sword, filling my backpack with booze, just like any other day. That would be until I step out of my apartment just south of the bank. The sky looked much different then normal and that is when i realized the clouds are thick and it is still dark out. I quickly ran around to the front of the bank to see what the light was which woke me up. Far of in the distance I see a light I've never noticed before.
I think to my self "It cant be night their are too many people out and the bank is full". Wondering around in confusion for only a couple minutes until a ran into Ingrid, Ingrid is a young war-mage like myself, we have trained together as long as I remember, we are both 21 years young and are at about the same skill level. Now the thing about us war-mages is we are skilled in both magistry and physical ability but we have some keen differences as well making us the perfect team, he has skilled in offensive magic while I am more of defensive with only a single strong but lonely attack spell, not to mention he uses axes and i use swords.
I notice a shocked look on his face which kind of reminded me of the same look as the first raid we took part in. Quickly walking up to me he mutters quietly "Kardinel come with me quickly, I'm being followed", "What?" I asked. Grabbing me by my armour and nearly dragging me around the corner he stops suddenly "Ingrid, are you ok?" I said, "I'm not too sure" he whispers, then quickly continuing to walk I decide to follow. "Their is something very wrong Kardinel, but I cant quite put my finger on the whole thing. Their has been this strange man in a black robe following me since I stepped out of my apartment, I cant figure out what in tabernacle he wants, I was thinking about giving him a magic bullet to follow but I figured I'd meet up with you before making any rash decisions." He says while we're heading towards the south gate. "Why don't we just go ask him what's his problem?" I insisted. "No!" he says, "Haven't you noticed the darkness, I mean their is something wrong Kardinel and I think it's going to be up too us to figure this out" Ingrid says. "I thought you we're going to say that Ingrid" I said. "I've got an idea" I tell Ingrid, "We'll give him a surprise attack". Continuing to the south gate we sharply turn the corner, weapons in hand, watching for the first movement past those gates, listening for the first sound, but nothing. Looking back around the corner the only person in site is the guard. "Are you sure someone was following you Ingrid?" I said. "I swear on tabernacle!" Ingrid says. "Well in that case I believe you" I assure him.
We decide to go to the tavern to see if theirs any rumours spreading about what's going on. As we arrive Ingrid pulls on my arm, "That's him, over too the left." Ingrid says. I look over too see a lonely figure covered by a pitch black robe sitting at the table farthest from us. "I've had just about enough of this." I said. Walking over to the mysterious robed man, with the scariest face I had, standing over him I got no acknowledgement, so i put my hand on his shoulder, "Hey, could i help you with anything? I believe you have been stocking my friend Ingrid over there." I cautiously said. From under the cloaked darkness I here a quiet almost feminine voice, "No, It's not what it seems. For I was looking for you Kardinel." he said. Suddenly in a smooth, quick motion he grabs me by my armour and pulls me towards him. In a desperate panic a grab the back of the hood and pull it down with all my might like it was stuck their, but....I became...speechless, it was no man at all, it was a girl about the same age as me and Ingrid. She had long brown hair and green eyes, she had a very strange appearance like she was not from around here. Then I hear that soft voice again "The time has come. I need yours and Ingrids help. We must leave this city quickly.
Ingrid who had heard our whole conversation agreed. We headed for the north gate, almost at a jog, "so where are we going exactly?" I questioned. "Shut up and hurry!" said the girl. Me nor Ingrid said another word for the walk, but she kept humming a tune which sounded pleasant, yet weary. As we enter Illumna I really start too wonder where we are going because I've been all over this area a million times befor. That was when I noticed a small boat to the south where the beach was, the boat was just past a single palm tree. As the girl and Ingrid hurry on to the boat I freeze. "Come on Kardinel!" Says Ingrid, "Give him a moment said the girl...Listen Kardinel I'll explain on the boat but for now i just need you to come." she says. Looking at Ingrid for reassurance I put one foot in, then the other. With great force she pushes the boat free of the sand and into the ocean.
The boat was small but yet big enough for at least five more people with extra leg room. It had two sturdy sails and a steering wheel. It wasn't much but I figured we were safe. The sky hadn't changed a bit, but sitting on the boat listening to the ocean and Ingrid chewing on a loaf of bread, it gave me more time too really look at it. All the birds were flying one way...north and we were heading...south, oh great I thought now I'm sure this isn't a rescue mission. The sky was a purplish color in kind of a wavy pattern. Looking back at the great city of Stoneglow I felt in my heart that I wouldn't be seeing it any time soon. Then out of no where the light which had woken me up vanished leaving the whole island in the dark. "Wow that thing must have been bright." I said. The girl starts to chuckle "Well since the sun didn't decide to shine today I knew it would take a lot to wake up you two bums! and since we have over 24 hours until we're back out of the ocean I might as well fill you in as best of my knowledge." she says. "Well lets start with you and your name." Ingrid says. "I guess that would make sense so I will introduce my self, Kardinel, Ingrid, my name is Zythea and I am an Elf." she says. "Hey, we are half-elves!" Ingrid says. "No your not" says Zythea. "What do you mean? That's what we are!" I said. "You guys are an over breed of elf and human and where I'm from It's called Thiro, so get it right, because where we are going their is no such thing as half elf or human, because the Thiro have become their own race." said Zythea. "Well how did you know so much about us?" I asked. "I've been watching you for some time now and being an elf you only noticed me when the time came and I wanted you too." said Zythea and she continues, "Now what's going on I'm not totally sure about but what I know is that It's not good and it's coming from far south on my continent, we have sent many warriors who have never returned so I sent out to find some War-mages who could help us and too my surprise I saw you two Thiro's so I had my eye on you guys. Although I've heard rumours of a powerful Warlock is the one who's doing all this but i refuse to believe it since the last Warlock had been killed many years ago. We continued talking about what could of been happening, our life stories and then some. After what seemed like forever we finally arrived to her continent which she called Aribaac and when I woke from my day dream daze the skies turned red......
I hope you enjoyed but this is only the end of Part one but don't worry because part 2 is coming within the week
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Hail theomen~
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Jac_Err
Orc warlord
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 106
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #1 on:
July 24, 2007, 01:29:16 am »
Gratz on a well-written story!!
Some constructive criticism (i'm not trying to be mean, only helpful) you tend to use the "he said, she said" technique a lot. How to fix; crack open a thesaurus, (or just be cheap like me and use the one in Word
) and expand on the speaking vocab.
Wonderful job, can't wait to continue reading it!!!
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kardinel
Stone giant king
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 167
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #2 on:
July 24, 2007, 01:30:36 am »
thanks ill remember that for part two
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Hail theomen~
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Jac_Err
Orc warlord
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 106
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #3 on:
July 24, 2007, 01:32:26 am »
no problem, you really are a talented writer... :wink:
definitely keep it up!
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kardinel
Stone giant king
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 167
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #4 on:
July 24, 2007, 01:41:02 am »
As long as atleast one person enjoys it, well thats all I really wanted
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Hail theomen~
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namto
VOL
Karma: +1/-0
Posts: 425
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #5 on:
July 24, 2007, 03:27:57 am »
i enjoyed it but maybe some paragraphs or breaks because on this website layout its hard to read all the way through
but good work cant wait to read part 2
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kardinel
Stone giant king
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 167
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #6 on:
July 24, 2007, 03:36:51 am »
I had paragraphs but when it posted they were gone :S ill try to put the back in
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StFear
VOL
Karma: +3/-0
Posts: 472
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #7 on:
July 24, 2007, 06:31:16 am »
i really enjoyed it... but yea paragraphs
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Founder Of The Omen
Map Wizard
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Strength And Pride with the use of a Blade
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Jac_Err
Orc warlord
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 106
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #8 on:
July 24, 2007, 02:07:27 pm »
Sorry , I didn't have that problem...but I have been reading books off the computer all summer...(working on Bleak House now
)
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kardinel
Stone giant king
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 167
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #9 on:
July 24, 2007, 02:56:59 pm »
Yea paragraphs isnt really workinout for me ill try again later
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Ellwoodblues
VOL
Karma: +8/-0
Posts: 1315
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #10 on:
July 24, 2007, 03:32:46 pm »
Good stuff, hope you didn't mind me doing a quick spell check for you
. If your up to it you can try to get the Firefox web browser and turn on the spell checker. Maybe IE has some plugin/addon that could do the same thing.
Otherwise, really good work.
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kardinel
Stone giant king
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 167
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #11 on:
July 24, 2007, 03:46:25 pm »
Lol thanks ellwood and ill check into it
and i got the paragraphs/spaces in their now
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Hail theomen~
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Jac_Err
Orc warlord
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 106
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #12 on:
July 24, 2007, 06:54:34 pm »
So about posting stories...do they have to be game realated, or do you have to pm a sample to an admin or moderator to see if they think you're cut out to write a storyline?
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kardinel
Stone giant king
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 167
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #13 on:
July 24, 2007, 09:53:00 pm »
I think they just want too see how good you can write so just posting any story aslong as someone see's it eventually would work id assume.
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Hail theomen~
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Jac_Err
Orc warlord
Karma: +0/-0
Posts: 106
Part one (the intro)
«
Reply #14 on:
July 24, 2007, 09:55:39 pm »
ok cause i've got one i'm working on....it has nothing to do with the game, but i would like some input from someone that's not family...
I'll post it up later tonight.
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Part one (the intro)
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